cry of a soul

oh what a pain, what a pain. Is it not easy to say forgive others that have offended you. I tell you it is far difficult to

forgive and love. My practise to forgive the offenders is so hard, and yet I do not feel comfort. What am i doing and what am

I doing in this world, Have I gone insane. Do I still have sense that set forth me in this new land hyderabad, where I have

failed countless times, I been the gajanee mohamood, who tried for 17 times and won on the 18th time.

I been betrayed, I have paid the price under my nose. Thats enough for my life. For 14 years I have loved you my

friend, I could get 14 gals friends, But I just stood beside you even though you are poor, I was there when you are sick, I

was there when you needed food, I was there when you lost your exams, and I was there to comfort your gried, But yee was

coming to me for thy selfishness. Thou has hurt me, I m loosing my heart, this is pain is far more great than any gal friend

can give to her boy friend. My friend my friend what happend to our friendship. Why did't you tell me you are coming to

fulfill your need, I would have helped you better. and Treated you better. I should have known, but yee has special place in

My heart and it's now empty coz i know for sure, I could't give that special place to any of my friend. My gal hurted me, I

stood it, My Dad don't love, I can bear it. My mom, dispise me I deserve it, MY sister wont love, I can understand. MY

brother Does't believe in me, I am accoutable for it. But My friend pavan, o dear one, I did not you knew you are here for

your selfishes, I never, ever thought that you came to me all these years just to use me. OH i should have known better, I

did not gave food to gain you as friend I gave food coz i have something to share. I wanted to share certain things not all

things, but yee has came to me, just for thy selfishness. I been used by many, and I let it happen and helped them. I was

betrayed for thousands of ruppess, I let it go, coz i know they dont deserve to be my friends. I did't know you are on their

boat my friend, I thought you are on a better boat where I dont deserve to travel with you. But you have proved yourself. I

should have known, I should have known better.

O lord in heaven, If any one that can hear my heart , let them hear. I am hurt to the last bring of my sould and last

atom in my body, coz i been betrayed for 14 years. God my god, is there anyone that I can trust, is there any one that I can

believe, Is there soul that I could't not find fault. I think, its only God that hath no faults , we all are humans and we do

make mistakes. I find fault in my gal friend, but i love her coz i chose to love her, I dont care if she loves or not. Its my

choice to love her, I dont expect it back.But My friend, I did't choose you as a friend, I rejected you and despised you and

yet you came back. I thought I would be a fool to say again and welcome you into most deepest places in my heart, now yee

have said in thy own words that you are money man. I should have known you are a money man. I could have treated you better

and set forth my boundaries. I should have known.

The world changes and people changes, Climate changes, the seasons changes, and everything changes. I need something

that I can hold on and cry my heart. I need someone that can listen to my sorrows and and do not look down up on me, coz i m

looser. Yes my friend that what my dear brother said, Anna What did you achieve untill now you are 27 years of age. What have

you achieved so far. I did't know this day would come n people would ask , what have you done. It was all roses for me. Now

its all thorn. I need you now to tell you that my brother had mocked me before his friends, and insulted me and di't believe

me at all. I want to share my heart and the pain I went through when my brother asked me Anna what have you acheived. Is it

because he is leaving to US makes him a achiever and I m a looser. I think YES. He has done something and I did not. Today I

stood before the world like a looser. I aint looser my friend, I aint' looser. I want to prove myself. But I lost my heart,

coz i was hurt by you, my gal friend, my parents and my family member. Now I can't share with anyone, not a single soul, I am

walking on the side of the road and I can't see the road, coz these thoughts just runs before my eyes, and tears comes down.

I m a man, so i won't cry, but hear is crying my friend, I could't tell you this coz you betrayed me, yes you have . Yes you

have PAVAN. You did betrayed me. and I did't know you would change as soon as you get rich. I should have know better. I made

mistake and I made a bad choice. But I still like you as a friend, I would come and see you and wont say a word coz i have

no words but tears. I hate to write all this , but since there is no one in the office I thought I might write something to

cheer me up. I m sitting alone I can't be alone , If I am alone I would be lost but they left me alone here. And the thoughts

creeping back. I will not die, i will survie, But I wont be me anymore. I lost it all. I lost it the day I realiesed I am

being decieved for 14 years. Adios Amigo, so long my friend, we come a long way. I think , I better go in my way. My this

hyderbad be best place and give me good friends, I heard that friendship has different meaning here , I see about that.

Thanks for everything , now i am strong. Even though sad, but i m strong. Thank you and good bye my friend. May peace be in

your life.

world caught my eyes once again i fell

How do i raise up again my father, how do i walk again in your path. For I have prayed so many times for my personal favours and you have fulfilled my desires. But the world has caught my eyes and I fell into the world one more time. I m sick of falling my lord, I m tiered. I dont want to runaway from you I dont want to come back and say father I have sinned , please cleanse me. Oh lord what a terrible person I am. I m a hypocrate, I lie, I decieved you. I have promised to you to do more things , did't do a single thing. Oh father I yet again going after money, my father my lord, i m so stupid, to go after money. Lord help me and teach me your ways, I m sick of masturbating on my bed, I m sick of thinking of the pretty women on the internet and the Movies. I need one special women and I just want to see her face and see her body and none other. I m so sick of these pit falls, lord how shall I ask you to cleanse , how shall come back and say father I have fallen one more time please wash my sins, for you have so loved me and I have done nothing to prove my loyalty. Lord I m so sorry, i hear testimonies from people saything that you spoke with me, then why not me, you spoke with them in the darkest hours and I m here siting and thinking , enving those people , they are lucky coz they hear you voice, lord this world had caught my eyes and now my ears gone deaf to hear your world my lord, heal my deaf ears, heal my heart from the wounds. My heart does not ache, but MY soul aches so badly. I needs you , i misses you, I want all the golry thas was with me before and it feels empty by not having it all. O father , father, I ask in your loving son jesus name, do not abandon me, do not forsake me for my transgresstion, I m a human and I m learning. There are some unfilled desires, and there are somethings that had lured my heart. My father I do not want to fall again, strengthen my sould and heart, give me wepons that destroy these sinful thoughts and desires , I want to teach myself how to with stand these worldly deceptions, and walk in your path.

Asking in jesus name.

Amen